(no subject)
What a shitty dream.
At a funeral.. in the dream, I knew whose it was, but my waking self did not. I walked around this room, where everyone was mourning, but it seemed like they all wanted to leer at me, instead. Like being mad at me was more important than mourning this person. I almost felt like it was my fault they'd died in the first place, the way these people were treating me. I wanted to be there, felt like I needed to be.. but it also seemed like I was risking my life to do so.
Like I said, I'm not sure whose funeral it was... but the way it felt in my dream, it was like I lost something vital to my existence. Like my entire soul had been crushed under the weight of such a loss. The whole world looked different.. and felt unfamiliar. I didn't want to be in it. I didn't care that these people were so angry with me they wanted to hurt me and cast me out. It was like they weren't even there. Like they couldn't possibly do anything else to harm me above what had already happened.
Think it was about five am when I woke up from it.. my chest felt so heavy, my eyes burned like I'd been crying. I just turned on the tv for some kind of distraction and listened to background noise while I tried to go back to sleep.
It's the afternoon now and I still can't stop thinking about it. I still feel that pain. I know it's not real. But it was terrible enough to imagine.
At a funeral.. in the dream, I knew whose it was, but my waking self did not. I walked around this room, where everyone was mourning, but it seemed like they all wanted to leer at me, instead. Like being mad at me was more important than mourning this person. I almost felt like it was my fault they'd died in the first place, the way these people were treating me. I wanted to be there, felt like I needed to be.. but it also seemed like I was risking my life to do so.
Like I said, I'm not sure whose funeral it was... but the way it felt in my dream, it was like I lost something vital to my existence. Like my entire soul had been crushed under the weight of such a loss. The whole world looked different.. and felt unfamiliar. I didn't want to be in it. I didn't care that these people were so angry with me they wanted to hurt me and cast me out. It was like they weren't even there. Like they couldn't possibly do anything else to harm me above what had already happened.
Think it was about five am when I woke up from it.. my chest felt so heavy, my eyes burned like I'd been crying. I just turned on the tv for some kind of distraction and listened to background noise while I tried to go back to sleep.
It's the afternoon now and I still can't stop thinking about it. I still feel that pain. I know it's not real. But it was terrible enough to imagine.